A Tale of Two Fathers

Scripture: Psalm 27: 1 – 14 (NIV)

PRAYER

Our Father, who is in heaven, holy is your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from every evil. For yours is the kingdom. The power and the glory. Forever.

Poem: "Happy Father's Day" by Ebony Stewart

MEDITATION

Anyone who has spent time listening to the way I tell my story might imagine that I was divinely conceived. Throughout most of my adult life, I have said very little about my dad. I know his name. I know where he lives. I have his face. And he is not close to me. He and my mom divorced when I was very young. When he came around from my pre-teen years to my early 20s, he was not there as needed. He was not the one who raised me. That incredible work I owe to the love and sacrifices of my mother, with the aid of her siblings and her mother, who also upended their lives for our well-being.

When the opportunity to fall out of touch with my dad came, I allowed it. I was experiencing a major life transition and unexpectedly needed to change phones. I saved his number but didn’t share my new one with him. I accepted the resistance inside my body and entered into seven-ish years of near-zero communication.

Then COVID. Suddenly, my ability to keep my father in my subterranean mind was replaced with a nagging concern. Was he okay? How would I even know if he died? I decided to see if he was safe, at least. My cells gave permission: a text message. Just do your daughterly diligence.

I wish I could say the exchange led to a reunion of Disney proportions. It didn’t. What it did make way for was the filling in of the blanks of my family history. It gave me some reassurance that one of my deepest fears was likely misplaced. It yielded one of the hardest conversations I’ve had that was necessary. An/d understanding about what he had gone through, how he became the father he was and empathy enough to forgive.

Now, in the long months of silence and little contact, I feel no guilt or shame. I have done my part and I can rest in that. And that by itself is a gift.

Although [the COVID-19] pandemic season did not revitalize my relationship with my earthly father, it did cause me ever more to seek God’s face. And while I don’t usually think of God as a High Holy He, I did resonate with this metaphor in the psalmist’s words. The God of the Strong-hold is my light and my salvation who I come to almost daily with profound joy and praise.

“Though my father… forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Psalm 27:10). He has sheltered me, exalted me and kept me safe. This is the God in whom I dwell and take heart. The One on whom I wait in the land of the living.

I too am made in the image of this Father. I have that face, that identity, that DNA. I am submerged in the goodness of this Being, the God who Jesus called Abba. And I can trust that this One will be there for me.

Source: the author and her dad

Song: “Jesus Is Love” by Lionel Richie and the Commodores

Reflection Questions:

1. The image of God as Father is often fraught through personal trauma and disappointment, patriarchy and dominant gender narratives. Are there times when this metaphor can be healing? Can the image of God as father be redeemed?

2. In this season of Lent, we find on the cross God who is simultaneously forsaking and forsaken. When we think about God in this way, what might that say about God’s relationship to those who were abandoned and for those who did the abandoning?

3. Forgiveness is a companion to reconciliation. But reconciliation is not always the end of forgiving. What do you need in your relationships for your own well-being?

Call to Action:

If it feels emotionally healthy to do so, consider reaching out to your father, grandfather, or a father-figure that is meaningful to your life for a conversation. Engage them in conversation on topics such as: how did they learn to be fathers; what do they wish they would have done differently; how does their faith shape their approach to fatherhood; what was their relationship like with their father. An alternative to speaking with him is to write a poem or letter that radically conveys your feelings and questions about your relationship with him. You can choose to keep the letter for yourself or send it to him.

Anonymous Author

These Black Lent devotionals were originally curated by IG: goodneighbormovement.