No King Or Thorny Bush

Image: "Blue Serenity" by Kandy Grady (@simplyfaithbykgrady)

Scripture: Judges 9:7-15 (NLT)

Song: “notice” by rebel noire and the accomplices

Meditation:

There are times when a Scripture you know inside and out takes on a new meaning. When your current season and the experiences that shaped it colors the text a little — or a lot.

I have long interpreted Judges 9: 7-15 exclusively through an anarchist political framework. Coupled with 1 Samuel 8, Jotham’s biting response to Abimalek’s bloody coup has read to me as a resounding indictment of God’s people wanting to be like other empires and electing others for hierarchical rule. So imagine my surprise when the parable had a totally unrelated and more intimate landing this time. One connected to personal relationships and especially romantic love.

I’ve had my share of failed attempts to inaugurate kings over me. To convince others to be as enamored with me as I was with them. In my shortage of self-esteem and disconnection from my deep enough-ness, I chased and pleaded. The persistent quest for someone to hold sway over me led only to push-pull, yes-no, see-saw dynamics that felt all consuming and intense emotional attachments with just enough shade to keep me around.

Blessedly, just nine months before the pandemic, the Holy Spirit and an algorithm staged an intervention. Faced with another round of heartache, I found myself on a YouTube trail to the realm of relationship coaching. I had so many epiphanies in one sitting, I absolutely knew I needed to continue. I eventually circled back to a coach whose energy and story was painfully close to mine. Knowing something had to give, I began one of her programs — then another — and confronted my hidden insecurities and wounded self-worth. When COVID entered the scene, I used the sharp halt to my busyness and unprecedented space for reflection to leap into her intense coaching circle and immersed myself in eight months of guided inner work (shameless plug for my coach: @samiwundercoach).

Perhaps unsurprisingly, this journey toward a more healed way of being coincided with a radical, deeper encounter with God’s love and presence. I was good just because I existed. Just because God called me into the world. For this reason, I was worthy of my own (and others’) exuberant, generous, abundant, empowering love! I began to consider potential partnership, romantic and otherwise, from the fount of my own value and well-being, instilled by my Creator. I see myself now in my own sturdy boat seeking someone in a sturdy boat beside me. I want iron sharpening iron. Not a king or a thorny bush.

Being desperate for someone else to fill our holes drives away those who are grounded in their own fruitfulness. It also causes the seeker to bind with those who have not tended to their own hurts. The trees’ quest for a ruler was never ordained in the first place. We don’t want someone to hold sway over us. We want someone who loves us as we love ourselves.

Prayer:

O Lord, Our God

maker of all social beings

designer of all loving creatures,

I celebrate you,

O God of Communion.

I worship you, O One in Three.

I bring to you

every relationship I have entered

Make me conscious

when they destroy or empower

when they poison or uplift

Nurture my heart

for life-giving connections.

Weigh my friendships, partnerships,

attachments and family ties

join me to those who grow me and sharpen

who bring peace to my doorsteps

and praise to my tongue

Break, within me, a spirit of settling.

Birth in me a wide and secure heart.

Change red flags

into stop signs,

Strongholds into fences

Let me discern and desire

what unions are good.

— prayer written by Nekeisha Alayna Alexis

Reflection Questions:

God is a God of relationships, calling into being communion between other animals; between other animals and the human animal; between all creatures and Godself; and between all creatures and the earth. Do your relationships help you see God more clearly? Do they help you live more faithfully? Do they inspire, sharpen and support you in your calling?

Who are the people who “hold sway” in your life? Do these relationships increase your sense of worth and value as a child of the Creator? Are you aligned with persons you feel safe with, who you trust, who bring peace to your doorstep? Does the time you spend with and/or on them feel like anointing oil or consuming fire?

Examine the relationships in your life that cause pain or harm. What is keeping you attached to these unions? Are there wise persons around you who might help you discern whether it is appropriate to repair or exit? Do you notice any patterns in the ways you join your heart, body and energy to others? What might you do to interrupt these patterns moving forward?

Call to Action:

Do you have a friend, spouse, family member, mentor or other loved one in your life who has been especially helpful at helping you see the goodness and enough-ness in yourself? Take the opportunity to thank them in a way that feels good and is appropriate! It could be a phone call or a thank you note, a gift card to an ethically mindful business or a night on the town to celebrate your relationship.

About the Author

Nekeisha Alayna Alexis (she/her/hers) is an Anabaptist Christian agitator whose personal and professional motto is "liberation for every body," across human and other animal species.

Stay connected to Nekeisha:

IG: @rebel.noire

FB: rebelnoire

Websites: www.rebelnoirexaccomplices.com and https://rebelnoirexaccomplices.bandcamp.com/

These Black Lent devotionals were originally curated by IG: goodneighbormovement.